REGRET for Expressing Little Love

Author: Zhang Enlin, from Kunming CIBA Mining Machinery Co. Ltd

In 1989 when I was a little youth, I have worked in CIBA Mining Machinery Factory and my father was a factory director there. I have a clear memory of the happenings on one of those days. I, with my apprentice Su Maoyong, processed two sets of parallel holes in frame of linear vibrating screen on T68 boring lathe. Tool was very simple and poor at that time and there was only one small gourd-style manual lifting tool. When lifting the screen frame, all strong laborers in the workshop had to work in turn to hike the gourd-style lifting ring, then put the screen frame downward on a fixture, and processed it with a special boring rob. When the screen frame was fixed, insert the boring rob into holes in it, which also required all laborers working together. After the boring rob was inserted and properly adjusted, we started to process. Accomplishing processing of one set of holes, pulled out the boring rob, moved the primary spindle box, then penetrated the boring rob into another set of holes. Only when the two sets of holes were processed, could the screen frame be lifted down the boring lathe. When we finished processing one set of holes, ready to pull out the boring rob, my father passed by and gave us a hand without hesitation. I felt excited and put a jerk in it for father’s appearance. He grabbed up a pair of dirty gloves and worked with us to his utmost. It took great efforts to extract the boring rob and he put his finger into the knife hole in a moment of desperation, to use the whole strength. Just when I exerted myself to pull the boring rob, my father shrieked suddenly, “Oh!……my finger was caught!”. I was scared and pulled it desperately, then jumped down from the boring lathe to my father. He held his left hand finger in the right hand, with cheek taut and large drops of perspiration dripping down from his forehead. He did not scold me, just said it in a quiet voice, “See it, broken” Promptly, some workers took father to the hospital; however, I did not accompany him, but engaged in lifting the screen frame down the boring lathe. All because of my ignorance, I dared not to face with father, to have a look at his face, not along to touch his injured finger.  Meeting with such happenings, I should not show ignorance even if he was just my colleague, not along he is my father. I did not figure out what was more important. After father was back home, watching his agony and painful face, I was speechless, just sat beside him to accompany him in science. That night, he did not get a sleep, but walked around holding his finger. I had never been sleepless at night, but on that night, I hid myself in the quilt and wiped off tears until daybreak. Every finger is connected with heart! Father hid his pain and bore it in silence, without a blaming word on me. He tolerated my ignorance with his selfless love!

Nowadays, Have I had the chance to accompany him to the hospital, to comfort him a little, to say sorry to him? None; I have no chance to do all these things.

Now, my daughter has been in middle school, and I always encourage and educate her in my father’s way. I tell her: ignorance is the evil; remember your father’s deep regretting now upon the ignorance in the past and do not follow your father’s footprint; also reminiscence your grandfather’s love.

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